Clean
by LostInDisney
Summary: 'There he was, the man who had been keeping her from sleep was now standing outside her door, completely soaked from top to bottom, she could see a look of desperation in his eyes, but also a stroke of wildness, perhaps it was the weather outside reflecting in his eyes, or just a look he kept well hidden from those who watched him the most.'


Clean

**So just a little something I wrote last night, set some time after Distress, there are mentions of drug use/addiction so be warned, nothing too graphic but I feel I should mention it. Unfortunately I don't own any characters of Criminal Minds. Hope you all enjoy. **

The rain was hammering against the window, like tiny pebbles being thrown towards the earth. It wasn't just the rain that was keeping Emily from a nights sleep, her mind was buzzing from thought to thought, despite the frantic nature of her thoughts there was one common factor. Reid. All she could do was think of him, think of the way he had acted in the homeless shelter, even though they were now back home in DC and away from the case and the stress that weighed down on them any time they were away, the ticking of a clock that they all heard when they were working. She couldn't get their conversation out of her head, the way his defences went way up whenever they were in the same room, that look in his eyes that resonated with her so soundly that sometimes it hurt. He wasn't just struggling with the aftermath of his kidnapping, he was struggling with forces so much darker and ten times stronger.

Emily tossed over for what felt like the thousandth time that night, she grabbed her phone to check the time. 1:27, she groaned it had only been five minutes since she had last checked. She allowed her thoughts to wander back to Reid, she wandered what the rest of the team thought, if they even noticed something was wrong, she wasn't sure where she stood on the matter of bringing it up with Hotch, after all she was still the newbie in the team, a part she was all too good at playing, she didn't want to cause trouble or cause an atmosphere. She was working with some of the best minds in the world, if she could tell something was wrong with Reid, they'd know as well.

Her thoughts were disrupted by a knock on her door. She sat up in bed, had she just imagined that? Her apartment block was manned twenty-four seven, no one could just wander up unless security were informed. Another harsh knock sounded throughout the apartment. It had to be a neighbour, which confused her even more, she hadn't lived there that long, she hardly knew anyone, so who would be knocking at this hour? Slowly Emily reached over to flip the light on, she grabbed a hoodie from by the side of her bed. The knocking was now growing more intense, someone clearly wanted to get hold of her, not feeling entirely comfortable with someone knocking at her door in the middle of the night, she grabbed her gun from her bedside drawers. Spending most of your time studying killers would make anyone jumpy, she mentally reminded herself.

She walked down the hallway of the apartment, gradually making her way to the noisy door, bracing herself for whoever was desperate enough to talk to her. Placing her gun on top of the stand where she usually kept her keys, she took a careful glance through the peephole. There he was, the man who had been keeping her from sleep was now standing outside her door, completely soaked from top to bottom, she could see a look of desperation in his eyes, but also a stroke of wildness, perhaps it was the weather outside reflecting in his eyes, or just a look he kept well hidden from those who watched him the most.

"Reid?" She asked, finally opening the door.

A look of relief temporarily washed over Reid, "Good, you're awake."

"Yeah thanks to someone hammering on the door." Emily replied.

Reid just stared at her for a moment, not sure what he should say back. "Can I come in?" He settled with.

Emily just opened her door wider, allowing him access into her home. He waltzed in headed straight for the wide window, offering an almost unending view of the DC skyline. "Great view." He commented.

Emily shut the door, a little stunned and curious as to why Reid had shown up. "It's better on a dry night." She offered. She wandered back towards Reid, she could see his reflection in the window, she was still drawn to his eyes. conveying more emotions in a minute, than some people could produce in a lifetime. She wrapped her arms around her waist. "Why are you here?" She asked quietly.

"I wanted to talk to you." He matched her tone perfectly.

Emily tried to hide her confusion. "What about?"

"I uh… I wanted to apologise…" He barely uttered the words before he trailed off.

It was then Emily really recognised the look in his eyes, she remembered seeing it in her eyes years ago. A mix of fear, desperation, longing and determination all rolled into a single look in the eyes. Granted her setting was different the look was the same. She shook her head, "You don't need to apologise for anything."

Reid snapped around, finally facing her. "Yes I do. The way I treated you… I shouldn't have… I was…" He couldn't seem to manage a sentence, all the words sounded wrong, they couldn't match what he was trying to say.

"You're soaking." Emily pointed out.

"What?" Reid asked.

"You're soaking." She repeated.

"I got caught in the rain... what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well aside from the fact you're leaving a puddle on my floor, you look freezing, go take a shower, I can find you some spare clothes while I try to dry what you're wearing."

"Emily… I just want to talk to you, don't worry…"

"Look at least get out of those wet things."

Reid thought for a moment, he could feel the cold and the damp starting to seep through his skin. "Do you even have anything?" It wasn't really a question.

Emily smiled, "I'll be back in a minute."

She walked out of the room leaving Reid alone, this evening couldn't get any stranger. She had Reid in her living room and she was about to find him dry clothes so he could attempt to apologise for his outburst in Houston. She really didn't know what to think, at the time she was a little mad at him for not being able to keep his emotions in control, but then again what with he's dealing with it's not really that much of a surprise. Mostly she was mad at the way he had spoken to the poor girl who was working in the shelter, he had really scared her, which wasn't wholly necessary. She opened a closet pulling out a pair of male sweatpants and a shirt, not the most Reid looking outfit she could find, but it would do. It was lucky she liked to sleep in mens t-shirts and the pants were another story.

Reid was still standing where she had left him, she left the clothes on the arm of the chair. "The bathroom is just down the hall, first door you walk past. Do you want a drink?" Emily asked him.

"Umm Coffee." Reid replied, taking the clothes in one hand and heading towards Emily's bathroom.

Emily shook her head, always coffee never tea.

Despite two cups of coffee sitting on the coffee table, Reid and Emily were still standing where they were when Reid first arrived, it was as if the coffee had magically appeared, and Reid's clothes had transformed, although Emily had to admit his wet curls were really quite something.

Reid took a deep breath. "Emily I didn't mean to speak to you the way I did in Houston."

"Reid, I told you, I'm not upset. You're under a lot of stress. It's no big deal."

Reid shook his head. "You don't see it do you?" He took a step forward, stepping into Emily's space, he wasn't sure if it was intentional or not. "I don't know if I'm in control anymore…"

Emily could feel her own heartbeat, every rise and fall of her chest. The intense look Reid was giving her was almost enough to crack a stone. She didn't really realise how tall he was. "In control of what?" Her voice almost sounded like a whisper.

"Myself."

Emily's eyes fell from his intense gaze for a moment, lingering on the floor for a second before slowly rising back to meet his. "Why?"

"You know what's wrong with me. You can see right through me. I don't know how to act… what I might do…" He trailed off, his eyes taking in Emily's shape, her long legs, arms wrapped around her delicate waist, porcelain skin that glowed next to flowing raven hair.

"There's nothing wrong with you." Emily replied, her voice sounding dry.

His eyes shot back to meet hers, filled with shame. "Yes there is, I can't get over it."

"That only makes you human."

"Does it?"

Emily slowly nodded. "We all have demons that catch up with us from time to time." With out even realising she had stepped even closer towards him, she could feel his breath, smell old books and pine, feel the warmth radiating off him.

"Do you?"

Emily only needed to nod, her closet was stacked full of skeletons, delicately stored so that you wouldn't notice them, but one wrong move and they'd come pouring out.

They're eyes were locked onto each other, neither one could break the gaze, both looking intently into the others soul, finding that maybe they were damaged in quite similar ways. Before either one knew it, their lips were touching, at first softly, as if waiting for reality to crash in and fling them apart. Slowly it started to grow into something more hungry, Reid wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer to him, Emily's hand wandered up to his head, her fingers getting lost in his hair, soft strands running between each finger. Emily could feel his hand sliding further down her waist resting on her bum, while the other moved up, she could taste his breathe as his tongue danced with hers, God it was like he was everywhere, every inch of her was being touched by him.

The two lay in a tangle of limbs, both exhausted. Wrapped in a blanket that once lay on Emily's couch, each one basking in each others warmth. The hot heavy pants from earlier had now subsided into deep relaxed breaths. Emily rolled over so she could face Spencer, he was looking utterly content as he stared down at her, a warm and gentle look had taken residence in his eyes. He wrapped his arm around her, there was something about her that he couldn't resist, like a moth to a flame.

"What are you thinking?" Emily asked, breaking the silence.

"Earlier… you said you had demons."

Emily smiled warmly. "Wow your brain really doesn't stop."

Spencer chuckled lightly.

"Prescription pills." She finally said.

"You were…" Reid trailed off.

Emily nodded. "I could recognised the look in your eyes, it's the same one I used to get."

Reid still couldn't wrap his head around what Emily was saying, she once battled the same demons he is now facing.

"I was in a pretty dark place when I was 15. I started stealing pills off my mom, it's amazing the connections you can get when you know where to look."

Reid hated seeing the sad look that had now taken over Emily's entire face. He gently gave her a kiss on her lips, wishing he could take the pain away.

"Meetings really help you know." Emily offered.

Reid sighed. "I have a number, I just can't seem to make myself go… how did you…" He trailed off.

"I overdosed… twice. The second time was pretty close to the mark," She could feel her eyes fill up with tears. "My mom sent me off to rehab, she told everyone I was living with family in England."

Reid looked confused for a moment, "How isn't it on your file?"

"My mom covered it up. I don't even think Garcia would be able to dig it up… Hotch knows."

"How?"

"I've never had a relapse. I gave myself goals and now I'm at them I wouldn't want to go back, I told him because I wanted him to give me the job knowing how hard I had worked to get here. I didn't want him to think because of who my mom is the job was just handed to me." Emily swiped at her eyes, trying to wipe away any stray tears, it wasn't a time of her life that she liked to dwell on.

"There's a meeting on Wednesday… I've read all kinds of books on twelve steps, I know how it works. I don't see why I need to go."

"You owe it to yourself. Trust me, you've got the same choice I had, fall even further or rise." Emily explained.

"I've already gone 16 hours."

"Then I'd say you're already choosing to rise."

The two fell back into silence, Emily now had her head resting on Reid's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. She could feel Reid tracing lines around her back, looking at him, he seemed more put together than he had in weeks, Emily knew she needed to work at not screwing up with Reid, she couldn't put her finger on what it was, but he was unlike any body she had ever known. She knew that with time he'd be clean. Until then she was ready to hold his hand and be with him for the first twelve steps, and all the others after that.

**Thanks for reading, hope you all enjoyed it. Please feel free to let me know what you think, got some more storied buzzing around my brain so hopefully there will be some more updates and fics soon. Thanks again.**


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